My heart goes out today to wives who are struggling to trust their husbands. I pray and tread carefully as I write because I don’t know the details of your situation, and this article isn’t intended to address the deep needs and concerns of a woman caught in an abusive relationship.
For some of us, this heart battle has more to do with giving up control. Others may have legitimate reasons to seek help from a friend, pastor, or counselor. But this is what I want to remind all of us: trusting our husbands is really about trusting God.
Trust During the Trials
In our second year of marriage, my husband, our baby son, and I moved out of state and away from family for a year of ministry training. Around Christmas time, I panicked. Our bank account was nearly empty. I didn’t know if we’d be able to continue the ministry program or not. As both a young wife and a new mom, my emotions overwhelmed me. My fear felt crippling.
A pastor asked me this question: “What’s the worst thing that could happen to you?”
“We’d end up living on the street. We’d be jobless, homeless, and hungry.” Even as I thought these words to myself, I knew what he was driving at.
I wasn’t trusting God.
Our church had sent my husband for training, and there was a job waiting for him when the program ended. Even if he didn’t have a job, our family and friends would never let us go homeless or hungry. More importantly, I wasn’t seeing the big God standing behind my husband as my Provider.
Since then, our family has walked through a season of unemployment. There’ve been months when we didn’t know how we’d pay our mortgage. But we’ve always had a roof over our heads, and our children have never been hungry.
For married ladies, our husbands are wonderful gifts to us, but we should never put them in the place of God or expect them to do what only God can do, or be who only God is. When I think about my husband, I see a handsome, tall guy with broad shoulders who lovingly carries, counsels, and leads our family. But behind him, there’s an infallible God who is completely trustworthy.
Trust in His Promises
The Bible speaks so much of trusting in our loving Father. That’s not to say that we should never speak up to our husband or others, but we also need to trust God: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV).
We must bring our fears and anxieties to Him: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7 ESV).
We shouldn’t expect our husbands to be God. Instead, we go directly to the One who is: “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16 ESV).
We pour out our hearts to Him, and we remember His promises: “Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us” (Psalm 62:8 ESV).
As we read His words to us, we can see that God is indeed trustworthy, that He cares for us despite our anxieties. And His words answer so many of our fears, if only we will listen!
Are you concerned for your children? God will gently lead those that are with young: “He will tend his flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs in His arms; He will carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those that are with young” (Isaiah 40:11 ESV).
Are you worried about your future? Focus on God, and know that because of Him, you can have confidence in the days to come: “Continue in the fear of the Lord all the day. Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off” (Proverbs 23:17-18 ESV).
Are you anxious about having a roof over your head, clothes to wear, and food to eat? Your heavenly Father knows you need these things. Seek Him first: “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?… Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matt. 6:25-33 ESV).
Has your husband disappointed you? God is faithful: “Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love Him and keep His commandments, to a thousand generations” (Deut. 7:9 ESV).
Trust in His Saving Love
When our cares are great, we need to look up and see our God who is greater. When we’re struggling to trust our spouse, we need to look up and trust Jesus. Remember: “He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with him graciously give us all things?” (Rom. 8:32 ESV)
God showed His great love for us in sending Jesus. He met our greatest need – salvation from sin – with the gospel. If He has already met our greatest need, surely, He is able to meet our practical needs.
If you’re struggling to trust your husband today, look to the One who is completely trustworthy. God is able to do immeasurably more than you can ask or imagine in your heart, in your husband’s heart, and in your marriage. Look to God, talk to Him, and trust Him!
Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen (Eph. 3:20-21 ESV).
Katie Faris is married to Scott, and her greatest works in progress are their five children ages 2 to 13. She is the author of Loving My Children: Embracing Biblical Motherhood. You can read more of Katie’s words on her website, blog, or Facebook, and connect with her on Instagram, too.